I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
