Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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