He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
