DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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