I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
