Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
