He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Can I color on your dick again?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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