Me too!
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
