Swine flu. Run for my life!
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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