Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
