It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
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I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
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My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
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