I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
should my penis look like a turkey
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I can't put those talents on a resume
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
