May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
