We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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