Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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