Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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