So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
