My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
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