i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
