If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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