I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
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