I cockslap morals
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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