dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize