listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
you will always have a special place in my vag
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
