This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
