New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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