no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
