i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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