i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
