Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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