i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
