It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
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