Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
