He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
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