Got a toothbrush?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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