I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
