before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
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