My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
