And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
