we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
