Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
