I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize