i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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