His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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