Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
