I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
my mouth tastes like poor choices
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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