I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
