It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Someone came in the potted fern
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
