dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
