$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
