I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
