You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
well, you know. whores of a feather.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
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