i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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