working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
