capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
porn star boner night. come get it.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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