1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
