just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
