I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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