I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Randomize
