i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
