I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
