You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
