you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
