I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
