When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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